Emotional Eating vs. Feeling Stuff

I was thinking about Migdalia on The Biggest Loser today. For those who don't watch the program, Migdalia was at the Biggest Loser ranch and was used to being tough, not crying, and stuffing her feelings. And, the thinking by the trainers is that as she stuffed the feelings she coped by eating too much. We all watched as Jillian followed Migdalia out the door, speaking the hard truth to her, but Migdalia wanted to quit...and she wanted to quit because she was starting to feel things.

If you've spent a lifetime being "tough", its pretty scary to let any of that emotion rise up without cramming it back down.

I don't know if you would call Migdalia an emotional eater...food being a numbing agent against feeling unpleasant things...yes? I think I identify with that...its a tough world out there and depending on what a person has had to face and how they've learned to cope, well it is easy for me to see how emotional eating happens. Some people might choose alcohol, others drugs, others sex, you name it, there are all kinds of things we can use to try to cope with the stuff we find too scary or painful to deal with instead of just dealing with it.

One of the things I knew when I started all this was that I was absolutely through with avoiding what I didn't want to acknowledge...that food was no longer going to be my coping mechanism....that whatever I faced, I was going to, well, face it and not turn away. I'm here to tell you one month into it that I HAVE been feeling things, some sadness has surfaced at times about things that have nothing to do with my body or health. And, I have let those things out...processing thoughts and feelings instead of cramming pizza on top of it.

These are the markers that I believe are setting this weight loss attempt apart, the mile markers that as I am consistent will enable me to not only lose weight but also keep it off. This is a lifetime plan, a new way of living, and I am just tickled to be learning the ropes!

still workin' it,
Cheryl

The Magic of a Clean Slate

I am soooo glad it's February 1, aren't you? The first day of a new month, it's like a brand new beginning, a clean slate.

And, a brand new beginning is exactly what I needed, because the scale is stuck.  Ugh. I hate that, and especially at the end of the month when I was so hoping to meet my one month goal of 10 pounds down. I really do think there is something wrong with my scale, but I decided to shelve that excuse because, really, Cheryl? Your scale is broken?  I weighed myself, like 10 times this morning, and granted, got about 9 different numbers.  Still, none of them were lower than my number last week.

So, on this very first day of February,  I got a brand new start . . . that is, just as soon as I was done hosting a pity party that I personally scheduled, proudly attended, and now acknowledge is over. There is just no point in indulging beyond 30 minutes or so of blank staring on the couch in my robe.  There are bigger and better fish to fry than that, don't ya think?

I have learned from so many of you of the wisdom of looking for successes in other places, but before I can go there, I must take an hour or so to figure out what happened. I mean, what REALLY happened? This part is so hard but so important too....ok, I DIDN'T work my butt off (obviously), I slipped a couple of days on my food (not horribly really, but just dense calorie foods laden with cheese and fat, my major weakness).  I also had french fries once instead of fruit. Plus, I was kind of negative, a bit stressed out and just overall felt unmotivated.

I know I'm not alone. And, this happens, it's all a part of the process...blah blah blah. But, I'm not gonna cut myself any slack. Slack is how I got to where I am right now. Slack is average.  Slack is kinda lazy.  Slack, my friends, is a slippery slope. So, there will be no slack, cuz honestly, I am NOT a slacker!

Here's the bright spot, the silver lining, the glow bracelet worth showing off ~ today as I was picking myself up off the couch, I realized that instead of heading for the kitchen, I was lacing up my sneakers!  Now, isn't that just way cool?!  It was like an einstein moment for me, proof that despite my broken scale, I really am making progress.  Changing life long habits do NOT turn around on a dime, but I think I may just have this puppy turned around! 

So, I just want to say how happy I am, yes, that it's February 1, but also to have all of you following me on this journey, cheering me on, encouraging me when I just wanna pout, even caring when I have my einstein moments, and just being here.  I really could not be doing this without you!

{hugs}
Cheryl


P.S. Now, off to buy a new, accurate scale. :)

Coming Clean

Welcome to Losing My Behind, my personal journal that will document the loss of 120 pounds off my body in the space of 52 weeks! I have made up my mind to get my thin body back. It's been buried for nearly 20 years, covered up by layers of emotions that I didn't want to deal with at the time. No more. I am now arranging my life in order to find those beautiful bones and muscles that I know for certain are there, and prioritizing their care and nourishment as they emerge! I expect bumps in the road but will not take my eyes off the prize. My heart is set. My gaze is fixed. I won't be deterred, so help me God!

I think it's good and helpful to come clean, and sometimes in the public eye, so here's my confession: I have reached for food when stressed. Lonely. Sad. Frustrated. And even happy. Food became my friend which sounds kind of dumb, doesn't it? Well, some friend! That "friend" has cost me dearly. Lost opportunities. Lowered self esteem. Health challenges that require daily meds. These have been my expensive, constant and very annoying traveling companions. I invited them along every time I used food to deal with my emotions.

But!  January 1, 2010 marks the spot in the road where these feet are turned in a different direction! An about-face if you will. I've researched and read all about this. I've talked it to death. I've made half-hearted attempts chock full of planned short cuts. Now, folks, it's just time to get down to business and run the race that is in front of me.

This journey is not about extremes. It's not about a crash diet or becoming an exercise freak. It's about me learning to live life and to enjoy the simple pleasures in the proper amounts. It's about feeling my emotions and allowing them to flavor my life. It's about having a body that serves me, looks great and is as healthy as possible. It's about eating to live instead of living to eat. And, for nearly the first time in my life, it's about me. Me.

So, those traveling companions I mentioned? They've been put on notice! I'll be picking up some new buddies along the way. Confidence. Self Respect. Courage. I can hardly wait to meet them.

And, I hope you will come along too, because I think I'm going to need all the encouragement, support and love I can get!  If you or someone you know is pulling out all the stops on the same road as me, tell them about this blog.  And, feel free to comment with whatever you want to say...ideas, thoughts, inspiration, your own experiences....I think it will all be so helpful!

This is going to be a trip I will never forget, and I hope by me sharing it publicly, we will all reach our goals, no matter what they are.

Cheryl